Weigh-In Wednesday #2!

Wow, I was actually panicking a little, thinking about weighing myself this morning.  I didn't even sleep well.  (though that may be because I'm also awaiting a call-back on a potential job that I interviewed for)  I didn't get to exercise nearly as much as I would have liked to this week and I gave in and ate some junk yesterday.  (Sun Chips and Pretzels and one Twizzler.  I know, I know, I'm still beating myself up over it).  But somehow I managed to lose weight anyway!  Yay!

Starting Weight: 225
Last Week's Weight: 223
Current Weight: 219 (-4 pounds!)

Goal Weight: 145
Weight Remaining: 74

Hoorah!  I'm under 220!  I've decided I need a mini-goal weight as well.  Little milestones to keep me motivated.  My initial mini-goal is simply anything under 200.  So if I'm 199.999999, I'll be happy.  So that means 19 more pounds to go until I reach my first mini-goal.  :)

Shopping

I have a confession:  I did not exercise yesterday.  I know.  I still feel guilty about it.  My excuse is that I was called into work in the evening, which required walking, but still doesn't equal the running I was planning on.  Even worse... I haven't exercised today either.  It's Sunday, so I had to be up early to attend church, and it's another ridiculously hot day so I'm waiting for the cooler evening. 

Anyway, I went to the store today for some groceries.  I swear, I should buy stock in the lettuce industry, I eat so much salad.  But in reality, I'm a huge foodie, so I'm trying to mix it up so I don't get bored.  Today I bought turnips.  I have no idea what to do with them, but I'll figure something out. 

I'm going to a movie soon.  Finally time to see The Avengers!  Ready for the chant?  IwillnotbuypopcornIwillnotbuypopcornIwillnotbuypopcorn.

More temptations

Two girls recently graduated from college where I work, and another girl brought in two dozen cupcakes for everyone to celebrate.  Really?  Cupcakes?  Not even homemade, either, those ones from grocery stores that are full of preservatives and topped with an inch and a half of icing and sprinkles.  Not fair.  But I managed to resist!  I'm still ridiculously proud of myself.  I had to walk by them and look away quickly, otherwise I was scared my resolve would end.

I confess: I'm scared that I'll stop and gain more weight.  I'm scared that I'll never be a healthy weight.  But I'm hoping to use this fear and channel it into exercising harder and choosing food that's good for my body.  It's starting to really sink in that this is something I'll have to keep up with for the rest of my life.  I will always have to workout and eat well.  No more boxed macaroni and cheese sandwiches.  (Don't ask.)

That being said, I haven't worked out today yet.  However, I did clean my whole house.  Mopped the floor, dusted, vacuumed, dishes--the works.  And that was a workout in itself.  I want to go running, but it's terribly hot outside.  It's nearly 90, so I'm going to wait til this evening when it's cooler.  A gym membership would be super helpful right about now.  Why must be they be so expensive?

Weigh-In Wednesday! #1

It's time for my first-ever Weigh-in Wednesday!  I've never publicly (or privately for that matter) announced exactly how much I weigh--not even my mother knows--so this is a big step for me.  I don't precisely remember what day I weighed myself last week, but I think it was Wednesday.  Regardless, last week I weighed 225 pounds.  My goal weight is 145 pounds, which is the high end of healthy for my height, but that's what I'm shooting for for now.  It also conveniently makes the total amount of weight that I want to lose total a nice even 80 pounds.  So.  Here's the breakdown:

Starting Weight: 225
Current Weight: 223 (-2 pounds!)

Goal Weight: 145
Weight Remaining: 78

Woo!  I'm down two pounds!  Super exciting!

Stubborness

My astrological sign is Taurus, the bull, which I was never very happy about because it's perhaps the ugliest, most unflattering of them all.  The most commonly known thing about Taurus people is their stubbornness.  So I'm a big, stubborn cow.  I can't lie, I'm one of the most unmovable person you'll ever meet.  If I really don't want to do something, nothing short of an act of God would make me do it.  My stubborn side is probably partially to blame for my weight.  When I was teased in school, it was always by the thin, pretty, popular girls, and in some twisted way I associated their thinness with their meanness.  And I was certainly not going to become like them.  I'd be fat, but at least I'd be nice.

I know.  It's messed up.  I'm trying to channel my stubbornness into more body-friendly activities now.  For instance, today when I went for my run, I really didn't want to.  I figured this was coming.  Starting something new is always exciting for the first few days, and then it just becomes life.  And life is kinda boring.  Anyway, I forced myself outside anyway, and I swear to you, the wind was blowing hard against me just to try and deter me from my goal.  Well, screw you wind, I'm going to run anyway. 

But even with my stubborn Taurus self behind my actions, I wasn't able to finish my mile without stopping.  I don't even know why.  I've run that same mile straight through for almost a week now, and sure it was hard, and I was sweaty and tired, but I still did it.  In fact, yesterday I even managed to run part of the way back, whereas I usually walk.  I only stopped for 10 or 15 steps, but it made me feel like such a failure.  I made sure to run some on the way back, but it was really depressing not to run the entire mile first.

Being Tested

Today was the ultimate test for the fat girl.  It was a very nice day, sunny and 91 degrees, but with a good cool breeze.  My friend and I decided to go window shopping around our town.  It's a small, historical town with oodles of little adorable shops.  Plus, I figured it would be a good way to get some more exercise in with all the walking. 

What it turned out to be, however, was a day full of temptations.  First of all, my friend was hungry so she immediately went to grab a bite to eat at a place famously known for its burgers and boardwalk fries.  She got a cheeseburger that smelled like heaven.  It was around 3:30, and I had eaten lunch and even made sure to have a snack before I left the house so I stood firm and ordered nothing.  I even declined to have a bite when my friend offered.  But that was just the first of the temptations. 

A little while later, my friend tugged me into a local fudge shop.  Fudge.  Homemade fudge.  It smelled glorious.  My friend got a half a slice for her dessert, and I wanted to cave so. badly.  I love fudge.  I love chocolate.  I certainly love double chocolate fudge.  Instead, I settled for a small sample of some sugar-free fudge.  (which was actually heavenly). 

The third temptation was 100% my fault.  Our little town has it's very own cupcake shop now, and I've been dying to go and check it out.  Naturally, as soon as I walked in, I was immediately assaulted by the cuteness of cupcakes with their colorful frostings and glittering toppings.  It was a really cute shop.  And I noticed that they also have mini-cupcakes, in case I want to ever let myself have a treat.  This time, however, I left the shop empty-handed. 

The last temptation came in the form of an Adult Beverage.  The county I live in has a winery, and today was apparently a free wine tasting day.  Naturally, we had to peruse their products.  I let myself sample some of their wines.  I'm not a huge wine fan, unless it's super sweet, but the wines they had were really good.  What was really hard to pass up was their special of the day: Apple Blossom Sangria.  Sangria!  I love sangria.  I did get a little sample, which was very good, but skipped buying a whole glass.  (My friend and I did pick up the recipe for it, though!)

Now, it was getting close to 7:00 by now and I was getting those rumblings in my stomach.  I stopped in a shop that had some locally made hard pretzels for sale, and bought a pack of two.  I let myself eat one of them for a snack. 

But you know what?  Even though I would have really enjoyed having a cheeseburger or fudge or a glass of sangria, I'm enjoying my sense of satisfaction that I was able to say no and make better decisions.  Besides, I'm going to love my new body way more than and for way longer than I could ever have enjoyed the fudge.

Scales

I weighed myself this morning.  After four days or so of eating well and running a mile and then walking a mile I have... gained 2.5 pounds.  *sigh*  I can't say I wasn't exceedingly disheartened by this.  Yesterday at work I felt SO good about myself.  Even though I just began, I was proud of my start and really just felt good about my body and what I was actively doing to improve my shape.  Today, after that depressing weigh-in, I spent most of the day feeling uncomfortable and aggravated in my own skin.  Whenever I've started to exercise and truly try and eat well before, I've always lost a fair amount of weight initially.  Really, it's what helped me start in the past, that knowledge that I would lose some weight pretty quickly, at least in the beginning.  Where's my awesome start?  I know there's no way I put on 2.5 pounds of muscle after only four days of running.

Another part of my mind reminds me that it's only 2.5 pounds.  I may be retaining water.  Maybe my bathroom visits haven't been as regular as they should be lately.  There are a million reasons and to be honest, it's normal for a person to fluctuate in their weight.  But this is the rational part of my brain.  The irrational part is the section incessantly whining, "But why?  What did I do wrong?" 

Not gonna let this get me down though.  Today after my 9-hour work shift, I did some grocery shopping (fruits and veggies) and then ran a mile and walked a mile.  (If you're wondering what this means, it means that from the end of my driveway to the end of the road where I slap the stop sign in relief is exactly one mile.  From there I walk back to my house, which is another mile).  And even after all that, I somehow found the energy to do all my dishes, put away the groceries, tidy the dining and living rooms, put away my laundry, and throw another in the machine. 

Now I'm tired.  I think I've earned a well-deserved rest.  Good night!

Back on the Wagon

Do you know what it means when a weight-loss blogger stops blogging for a long period of time?  It's usually not a good sign.  And in my case, it was a very bad sign.  I stopped writing about my weight loss, because I stopped trying to lose weight.  There's not nice way to say it--I just gave up.  I could certainly blame it on a variety of things.  I can't find a good job in this economy, my life was hectic, healthy food is expensive, etc. etc.  But in the end they're just excuses. 

But, I think I'm finally back.  For this past week, I've even been running again, and believe me, after so long, it HURTS.  So.  Badly.  The first couple times I thought I was going to fall over.  It's getting better now that I've done it a few times in a row, although my ankles hurt.  I run outside on the hard roads, which is likely not good for my feet, but I don't have the money to fork over for a gym membership right now.  And outside is free. :)

Anyway, here we go.  Attempt number two.  This time for real.