Sunday, September 30, 2012

Time Out


Hello, my name is Syhren and I am a perfectionist.  When I do things, I have to do them the best.  I wrap carefully planned and thought-out gifts with coordinating wrapping paper with crisp corners and matching bows.  The card has to be witty yet touching and include a personal message in a matching pen.  Weight-loss has been no exception.  No white flour, no refined grains, little refined sugar.  Vegetables, more, more, more!  Work out.  Work out everyday.  Never miss.  Wake up early.  Do more.  Moooore.

Exhausted?  Because I am.  I'm tired.  My posts have been few and far between lately not because I'm gaining weight (though I haven't pushed through that plateau yet), but rather that I've been very depressed.  I realize now that I threw myself way into this whole weight-loss and exercise thing too much. By the time I made sure I had exercised and eaten a proper meal and packed food for the next day and calculated calories and sugar and carb content and researched new recipe ideas... I had no day left.  Dishes piled in my sink, my house was always a mess, and I never had time to do the things I enjoy.  All work and no play, right?

I've kept it up for awhile, but within the past month my life has become very stressful.  I won't go into the sordid details, but suffice it so say that when things first happened, I cried myself to sleep for a week.  And then I had times when sleep just couldn't seem to happen.  I keep having headaches.  I wanted to lay around and do nothing but would berate myself for being so lazy.  And then I started having financial issues.

So this weekend I took a break.  I slept in.  I wore pajamas.  I walked around a mall and looked into shops.  I did some of my great passions in life--I read, sewed, and crocheted.  I watched new episodes of favorite TV shows that I was behind on.  As I type this, I'm drinking a pot of lightly sweetened tea and listening to the rain fall.  Maybe I'll take a nap.

The point is, I forgot to look after the health of my mind because I was so caught up with the health of my body.  They're both important, but I only focused on one, which I can see now was a terrible way of doing things.  Tomorrow is a new day, a new month, in fact, and I'm dedicating it to supporting the healthy growth of my body and mind.  I can't let this build up the way it did before.  Maybe this means that it'll take even longer for me to lose all the weight.  That's fine.  I'm young and I hopefully have many years to come.  

So.  Tomorrow starts a new transition.  I'm going to try and be more moderate towards my goals and less extreme.  My stress levels need to go down so I can sleep again, and get rid of my headaches.  Bring it on October.

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